His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
