i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
