Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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