Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
