whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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