watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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