First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
