Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
