tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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