I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
