If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
