My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
