dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
