The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
