well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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