if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
