Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
