Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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