Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
