dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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