I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
