Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize