why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
