I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
