all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
