it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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