he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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