hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
