I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
