No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
