Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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