Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
