aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
