my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
