Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
