Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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