I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When are your genitals available?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
