I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize