I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
