Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
