we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love you. Go after that dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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