just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there is glitter all over my balls
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
