The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
