You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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