you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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