maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
