woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
