If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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