Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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