do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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