Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize