I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
