Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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