I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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