So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
