They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
