i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
