you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
