Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
