i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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