If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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