oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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