So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
