dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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