Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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